Jack Kerouac

The primary reason for starting a blog was to get into the habit of journaling, because journaling is supposed to beget real writing (whatever THAT is). You see, I'm supposed to be some sort of "writer person". For as long as I can remember, various people have been telling me that I'm good at it-- although I happen to believe that anyone who can think and speak should be able to write well (sadly, this is not always the case). However, I'm not sure I'm really a writer because writers WRITE (right?), and I don't do it very regularly or-- when I do write-- I don't do it for very long. One of the big reasons for this is that I'm severely obsessive-compulsive. I'm not kidding. I actually have OCD and it has had a tremendously negative impact upon my life for decades (yes, DECADES). It's not as bad as it used to be, though. I can actually take showers that don't last for hours and leave my house without checking the locks twenty times (sometimes it still amazes me that I can even leave the house), but anything that involves more concentration than applying deodorant or clipping toenails is difficult because of the incredible amount of CRAP that goes on in my head constantly. Unfortunately, this is not the only reason for my lack of productivity in the realm of writing. I'm also something of a perfectionist (no, this is not the same as being obsessive-compulsive). I'm not a true perfectionist, because I'm not really interested in making something that's perfect when I write-- I just want whatever it is to be GOOD. What happens is that I constantly re-read and revise as I write rather than plowing through something until it's finished and THEN revising. Writing is like music to me: it has a form, a cadence... a rhythm... and it also has character. Maybe I'm just talking about style and don't know it, but if that thing I'm trying so hard to describe is off or just isn't there, then I have to fix it or I can't go on. The result is that I never finish anything because I never really get started. I get stuck and frustrated and before I know it I'm sick of the whole thing and utterly disgusted with myself. So, in an effort to get over that self-defeating process, I'm going to do my best to use the stream-of-consciousness thing. From here on out, on this blog, don't expect things like paragraphs, proper punctuation, or even correct spelling. These things will be abandoned when necessary so that the writing process has a chance to continue uninterrupted (expect by those pesky voices in my head). I doubt that many people will be reading this thing anyway (who has time for reading these days?), but for those who might stumble across my little unkempt electronic journal, you have been warned.